Posted by: Jackie | July 8, 2008

The Color Of Pain

Today while driving along between Waco and Dallas, we passed several cornfields full of vibrant colors. It amazed me at how many shades of green and yellow God could spread across one plot of land. Interspersed with this, was the rusty red of the corn tops.


 I couldn’t help but feel the complete wrongness of putting limits on God. Our boxed in thinking that says circumstances or our lot in life sets boundaries we can’t circumvent.


  On the American Christian Fiction Writer’s (ACFW) loop, the question of the week is about how pain has hindered or helped your writing. Pain, struggle, strife are all a part of life everyone must endure. It’s that common thread, as God’s created ones, that we share. 


My own story has its moments. I’ve grown up without a father because he tried to hurt me in a drunken rage when I was a baby. So his absence left me in a single parent home. I was molested as a child. When I was 16, my mother informed me that she was a lesbian and probably always had been. So I ended up leaving home before I graduated high school. For the next several years I struggled with not only with how to deal with the strained relationship with my only parent, but with my relationship with God as I learned to become my own person. I’ve experimented with drugs, married an unbeliever who couldn’t quit the drug habit as easily as I did, and have had to raise our children in a divided home for many years before my husband finally gave his life over to the Lord.


King David of the Bible knew about pain and suffering. Like most of us, a lot of it was brought on by his very own rebellious actions and choices. But despite his pain, he penned the most beautiful words that still encourage people thousands of years later. In Psalm 121, he said, “I look up to the mountains…but my help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.”


Another friend and writing mentor, said during one of her critique groups that we are all bound together by the Holy Spirit. And that He uses our experiences to help connect us all. We need to show kindness to each other in the words of our stories. Uplifting, instead of bringing down. 


I can let my life’s circumstances break me, or make me stronger. As I stared out over the beautiful cornfields, I felt God’s grace so deeply in my spirit. And the God who painted the deep blue sky, dotting it with white and gray clouds, who picked that particular color of red to top the corn with, can take the ugliness of my life, and help me to turn it into something beautiful that will bless others and bind me with my brothers and sisters. This binding makes us stronger. It builds us up. Gives us strength to walk out our lives here on earth.


I pray God will make beauty out of your junk.






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